[extreme environments]

William Fargason

Angel

Angel are you up     Angel my window overlooks

a streetlight     with rain falling through its beam

Angel if I felt better about myself     I could fall asleep

alone Angel give me    something to chew on Angel if

I thought the Lord was listening     I wouldn’t have

called you     especially this late at night Angel

I’m tired     Angel I’m tired of trying to roll the stone

away Angel if I knew     your number by heart I’d call

more often Angel these pills round off     every corner

until I lose     my fingertips again Angel my name

is the sound of rain emptying     from a gutter Angel

I didn’t do     the reading before raising my hand    

Angel did you underline     the verses     you liked best

Angel there’s an empty seat     at the table I saved

for you     do you have a curfew     is there choir practice

in the morning Angel I don’t even     care at this point    

if you’re biblically accurate     Angel have you ever tasted

a peach Angel there are     too many confessionals

with     no one on the other side Angel I have this

fantasy     no wife buckled beside me     no car seat

clicked in place in the backseat     I have this fantasy

while driving alone going over a bridge     I have this

fantasy where I jerk the wheel     into oncoming traffic

close my eyes     and make it seem like     an accident    

but what     always pulls me back Angel is never    

my own death     it’s that if I crossed that solid yellow line    

I could cause     someone in another car to die Angel

I need a better therapist Angel     your breath smells

like     peppermint and every time I pluck a feather

I get glitter all over my hands     Angel I need

quicker access to the Lord     the trail in the woods

led me in circles Angel I tried     Angel I tried

to break branches to mark the path but    I never

can see them on the way back     Angel it’s dark

but     almost morning Angel will you pass this

along will you     will you be back tomorrow

Holy Saturday Sonnet

all morning the rain runs right through me    

Lord I asked for     forgiveness     and now    

am unable to give it     to my father     not

a monster     but a man     the rain has to stop    

my father would write notes     on the back

of his hands     as a child I remember not his face

but     on his hands those words Lord his hands    

raised in the air not     in praise but in anger Lord

I try to     forgive my father his wrongs when you

walked on water Lord     did you yet know    

the feeling of drowning     if I let go of     if I cast

my anger into     the ocean if     as I pray I must

walk away     from myself     then what Lord    

I return to the wound     to heal the wound    

Ode to the Pillar of Salt

ode to the mountains in the distance

I fled to ode to looking back ode to

watching the sulfur fall from the sky

ode to the index of my mistakes

I know to let an evil thing go

it helps to watch it be destroyed

ode to that destruction not even

ten righteous people could the Lord

find O Lord why do you punish

those who want to watch I can’t

keep my head out of the past so ode

to my brain that keeps turning

to salt each time I look back

at every failure cast like a shadow

on a cave wall ode to every evil man

who knocks expecting an answer

ode to leaving a place a time a person

I love with nothing in my pockets

but my hands ode to my future

forced through the flames ode to

every tree every blade of grass burned

by the heavens for the sins of men

ode to being far enough away

to watch to being alive to watch

ode to knowing I should have been

left in the city as the city burned

Celeste Connor